Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hurricane Katrina

I am really scared for all those that are facing Hurricane Katrina. Being the 1st Category 5 hurricane to be making landfall since Hurricane Andrew, we can only fear the damage that will be left behind.

The cities population of 485,000 were order to evacuate the below level sea area and head to higher ground. New Orleans is a bowl shaped dip into the earth, surrounded by a river, a lake and an ocean. The barricades built to hold back the water from the constant sources will not provided protection from the 28 foot storm surge that is expected. The city relies on pumps to help drain the area from normal wet weather, the thought of power loss on top of already overworked pumps is not setting the city of to hold strong.

Many of the areas residents were able to head to higher ground, and Thank God. But the city is not empty, there are those with nowhere to go, the stranded travels that have no where to go. They are settling in for a long evening preparing for the reality that sunrise is scheduled to bring.

The worst of the storms I have seen, were closer and wound down as they came. Charley was 1st and hit hardest, then Frances and Ivan. Within 6 weeks or so, I had experienced my first 3 hurricanes. And now I am afraid and I am not even in it's path.

I am afraid for a city that has fought to preserve it's history, and the damage to the people and community that will be caused.

I am afraid for the travelers who are not prepared to be apart of natures fury. New Orleans has a small road over the lake to get in and out, once the flooding starts, they will be cut off from supplies, until other means are found to get them in.

I am scared because my husband who has been recalled by the Army, against all wishes of all who know him, it in Hattiesburg, MS which is in the direct path of this storm. Not only do I fear for his safety and of the other soldiers with him. I fear the duty he will be called to in efforts to restore the area he is residing in and around.

I am a strong person, but once with a large heart. The tragedy that will surround this area for a long time, will be a hard sight to bear.

To all those in this storms path, you have all my hope, my love and strength behind you. Stay calm, think clear, love yourself and those around you and you will survive and help those around you survive.

To all those that will be a part of the eminent relieve effort, bless you. I wish I could offer more assistance than my love and thoughts of serenity are with you, but with 3 small children their needs have to come first. We will find a way to support those in need and those in relief efforts as best we can. In troubling times, we grow, and become the people we need to be.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

No more Cherokee???

I just read here that the Mascot of my High School was banned in 2001, and the other day I reead here that the local college had it's name banned from NCAA.

Come on people can we just all try to RELAX, do we think we have caused enough pandemonium about the names? Was it the all the sudden commotion about Indians being used in logos and team names?

The NCAA had to reverse it's decision because the tribe to which the school mascot is named supports the uses. The logo and name are used a celebration and respect of the valuable relationship that was created in the local area. A far cry from how it is presented to be part of the NCAA hostile list.

I am going to say this very slowly... and very clearly... so there is no confusion... People are different races,

!!! OH MY GOD!!! Did she say what I think she said????

Why do we all get in such a huff, about acknowledging the fact that we are different races, and cultures? Why is that bad? We push such a conformist nation, that now even acknowledging different races is HOSTILE????

You have got to god damn kidding me.

Why is being different a problem, yes we are different who cares? I can point out that my mixed ethic kids are from different racial backgrounds and talk about my daughters nappy hair, with out saying it's bad, it is just different than mine.

We are trying to act like Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Purple are all the same color. Can't we just admit the rainbow had different colors and that we like it because it does?

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Reunion!!!

My thoughts have been racing lately. My 10 year high school is in 2 months. God that makes me feel old. I can't believe 10 years have pasted already.

The problem is I am having an overwhelming amount of fear in relation to this event. I did not have the best high school experience, in fact parts of it were down right awful. I got my equivalency earlier to to get out of there, maybe it got better, I was done in November of my senior year.

First off, I attended mostly private schools until High school, my parents had some fear of public school, wild and I was smart kids so they feared the value of the education I would get. Was strange I never went to the same school any of my neighbors went to. I also changed schools about every 2 years but never moved, was strange. High School I begged my parents to go to the Big Public School 2 blocks from my house, I wanted Big Football games, sports teams to participate on, High School Dances. They agreed, it backfired.

My High School career started out with a bang, I had dated a guy all summer before High School that was entering his senior year. I was worried that the grief he would get from his friends about dating a freshman would break us up when school started, and wham 3rd day of school, he broke up with me. I was happy to see though that the next girl he dated, he married eventually and has 2 beautiful children, just sucked for me.

So 3 days into public high school I cut my first class, I was a mess. Status always lumped me with the popular rich white kids. I was from family with money, I was intelligent and pretty clean cut. My opinions and perspective always fought with me to stay there. It was always a personal battles to put up with these people. I could, I just always ending up choosing not too.

So 1st semester Freshman year, I was Rich Prep, as it was said at the time. I ran for student office, I participated in Homecoming Activities, played soccer and volleyball. I was in debate club and drama club. I was building an excellent college resume.

But the people I was spending time with, were so fake so interested in such unimportant things, so judgemental, I couldn't stand it, I began to show my true colors, and when the Rich Preps just couldn't understand me I turned away from them. I went out on my own.

Well let's just say left to my own devices I tend to get in some trouble, especially when I am mad. I ended up on shopping spree with bunch of undesirables, just to spite the system. They were all great people, just system looked at them as ruffians and trouble makers.

Well my parents decided enough was enough with public school. They sent me 2nd semester Freshman year to the smallest school I have ever been to, I was 1 of 3 freshman, it was almost like a country farm house school. Many of my classes had students from 6th grade to senior in them. That was an experience. I was told if I got straight A's I could go back to public school, so I did.

If you ever have attended a school with more than 100 people, you will know what I am talking about when I say, the rumors that I was faced with when I returned to public High 1st semester Sophomore year, were beyond any belief, but there were believed to some extent.

I was a total outcast at this point, accepted by none. I don't ever remember much of my sophomore year it was that bad I guess, nothing memorable.

High school got so much better for me Junior Year, but the rest of me life fell apart. I began the journey to discovering me, and it meant leaving some other parts behind. Number 1 at the time was my parents.

My junior year in high school included failing almost every class, running away from home, meeting my future husband and developing bonds with a true group of friends, it was a major turning point in my life, but as the saying goes, things got a whole lot worse before they got better.

As the year started my life was a mess, of catastrophic proportions, life has no meaning to me. By years end I was in completely different state of mind. Life was getting pretty good. That summer I met Natalia my foster mother, the local Police had enough calls from my mom about me running away, so I went into foster care at 17, weird I know, but it couldn't have been better if I planned it. See previous entry to read about Natalia, my other mother.

Senior year started, and I was just no longer in the state of mind to handle the crap that goes on at High School, I went to school every other day and maintained a 3.5 GPA, to say the least my teachers were not happy. My school had policy that you could not fail on attendance, so they could only mark on work and test, which I never did homework, but when I was in class I would participate, and I always have tested well.

So with the know the knowledge that in 6 months I would be out on my own unless I wanted to be in foster care after I turned 18, they only do 6 month terms, or the growth in my own life, I just couldn't continue to waste time playing at High school everyday. I left, got my equivalency and went to work.

This again was a hard time for me in a way because at 17 I was an adult, yes Natalia provided me great guidance, but she also wanted to let me get my feet wet, to falter if I needed to now, while she could still help me.

Life began so quickly, before my friends graduated from High school in June Peet and I were already living in our first apartment.

Peet ended up leaving high school too, I have never been happy with his decision, because of the timing and his reason, it looks as if he did it for me, but I never wanted him too. Peet was very anti high school anyways, he struggled through classes barely paying attention. He is an artist, he drew on assignments, his mind wandered, but he loved to play sports with the guys at breaks, I think it kept him there. Well senior year he decided he wanted to play Basketball for the School, so that meant the had to keep his grades up. Peet studied and took notes, interacted in class, he was determined. He achieved the minimum 2.0 GPA and he counselor said she did not want o risk he falling behind he was doing so well, maybe if he could get it up to 3.0 then he would have some leeway. So he got his GPA up to 3.0 and then she said with him doing so well, she did not feel it was in his best interest to gamble it on sports, that with the way he was going he could get scholarships, etc. Peet told here, the only reason I have done this well is to play basketball, it's the only reason I am still here, if you will not let me play there will be no reason to stay. I guess she thought she was calling his bluff, that after all his hard work he would not leave, but she refused to clear him. So he left.

High school was such a time of losing and rediscovering myself, that I have no idea what the people outside my immediate group of friends knew or thought about me. I didn't really care at the time. I still don't really care as far as making me be a different person, I just am curious. Haven't you ever wondered what someone thought of you, not that it would change anything but just to know?

I have such outdated thought of my high school class, I would love to refresh them with something new, maybe time has bettered everyone. Maybe age has given some perspective.
Maybe we can all reconnect, maybe we can connect to those that high school drama kept us from before.

I have my profile on and it is strange to see who looks at it, people you thought didn't know who you were at all. But if I knew of them it is reasonable to think they knew of me right?

Well I guess I will have to just go to find out right? Be looking for the post after I get back from CA beginning of November, it should be a good one.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

My Other Mother, Natalia

Really special lady, met her at 17 when I was so sorta lost in the world, didn't feel like their was a whole lot of people out there on my side, very strange time in my life, and she took me in welcomed Peet, supported us both in our efforts and just showed me a different kind of live that I had ever been exposed to, she was so cultured, and successful, but so genuine and true to herself, was amazing influence on me, changed my perspective from what I had always known. Took my to me first renaissance fair in costume, had D&D figure lining walls, had super Nintendo and Red Dwarf movies, she was so different, and I love the feeling she created within my that it was OK to be different, I grew up in very conformist social circle and always stood out, was rough and parents always encouraged me to conform too. So when I was the most lost about who I was and how I fit in. She was like a wind of acceptance, with so much to offer, couldn't have asked for bigger blessing on my life than meeting her.

Natalia, if you read this, I always fear you don't know how truly important to my life you have been and will always be. I feel that because I am so bad and keeping in touch you might mistaken that for how much I care for you. I am horrible about calling, writing, emailing, I know it. This blog at these post with 3 entries now, is a feat of consistency for me. I am known to get bored and move on.

But you are the woman in my life who has given my the greatest personal strength, you have provided more guidance without saying a word, than all the lectures in my life combined have offered. With the examples I had of life before you I feared it, but you created a picture of open accepting respectful love, it changed me forever. Helped me tear done walls I had built up to protect myself, you created an example I sought to replicate how how people should be treated.

Without you in my life, I would live a very different life, not one I would experience happiness the way I have because of the love you showed me.

I hope everyone has someone to love them in the way you have loved me. I hope everyone loves the someone the way you love me. I hope to be able to show you someday how much you have meant to me. You are one of the voices in my head when I need guidance or counsel, you voice is there, your example leads, your heart loves.

I carry you with me always, and even though I might not call, I love you and always have and always will. Thank you for coming into my life.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Strange as it may seem, but...

After watching a truly enlightening Televised lecture the other night, I find myself pondering. I am one who ponders, just to make that clear.

The current quandary? The lecture's subject was Social Capitol. A subject I can take to heart. I believe in doing things for the good of others, not to get something in return just to create comradery. I truly care about the spirit housed within the shells of skin and bones we all cruise with each and everyday. I believe there is part of each and every person that longs to make human connections.

The lecture followed a track revolving around the decline in human connection and the outcomes of this decline. Some of it was cliche, yes, but what can you expect. It is touchy feely subject matter.

The truly enlightening parts was that this lectured was being given for city officials and business owners in Orlando, at their request to help add that missing element of community and team spirit to Central Florida Resident and businesses.

How great is that that they invited and paid someone to help open their eyes, give suggestions, share with the public, that they do care, they don't know what to do about it, they are open to suggestion and have a plan to make changes. Talk about pro-active, BRAVO!!!

The speaker was Robert Putnam, Author of pretty infamous book Bowling Alone. The major concept is revolved around basic figure that in the sixties the number of bowlers increased, but membership in bowling leagues declined.

This trend has been true of many things, we are doing more alone. Academic Clubs, Civic Groups and churches declining memberships are all examples of the facts that more is being done alone.

Not to drive this lecture into your cerebral subconscious or anything, but the basic premise that there are so many people out there and so much of our time is spent in solitude. Why?

I saw lecture on Monday, was intrigued, but last night it really sorta hit home for me. I was sitting down after putting my kids to bed, for one of my usual evenings of IM'ing some friends on the puter and awaiting telephone call from Hubby.

I spend so little time talking face to face with anyone, other than my children. I miss just hanging out with group of people and exchanging days activities, opinions, whatever. This realization hit me pretty hard and just couldn't do it. I was so longing to have conversation that did not involve a device of some sort. It kinda depressed my how disconnected we are.

How many people do you know or converse with in someway on the internet, but have never heard their voice or seen their face in person???

I am one who truly enjoys face to face conversation, to see impact of words upon delivery. I always have. I used to compete in Speech contest with controversial subject matter, just to see the faces in the audience. Well I did it to win too, but that's another subject.

IM'ing can lose so much of the emotion of a conversation, ever not really know what someone was saying because you can't hear tone or see expression?

Now, I am so grateful for the modern technology that allows me to converse freely with other all of the world, and continue to share time with my husband even though we don't reside in same state, but are we replacing all close encounters for disconnected ones.

There is just something to be said for captive audience. I have proven this fact over and over. People forced to share space for duration of time will find something to talk about, subjects will change so dramatically but conversation will flow when given the chance provided by situation.

Much more understandable by example;

Every time I am going to be in a car for any amount of time over like 30 minutes with a group of people, I love to bring camcorder. To record a conversation for road trip is a blast. Last example I have group of friends all go to LA for E3 this May. We decide to take a trip to Santa Monica for Dinner. The conversation subjects were wild, it was only about 45-50 minute ride, but we were all over the places with subjects, Kelly Clarkson, Religion, Tatty's, you name it. To try to figure out how we had gone from one to the other would have been a trip, but recorded we had reference, is way to funny to watch, I will have to edit for time and post someday.

My point, yes there might be one in here, I told you these would be rambles. My point is that the world is relying so heavily on IT communication nowadays that we have devalued the human bond. There is a point to creating bonds, other than networking to progress your career. To feed that spot in your soul that yearns to connect with another human soul, that feeling of trust and friendship, love and loyalty, even anger and sadness. I truly don't think these can be felt as strong as they can be when faced with another human. Another persons feelings and opinions on the line.

So I want to encourage you all to find a way to spend some face time with someone, make an excuse. Go out to lunch with someone at work, instead of eating at your desk. Talk to the person behind you at the supermarket checkout lane, instead of just facing forward waiting your turn to pay. Make a conscience decision to connect, email me let me know how it goes, would love to here about it.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Well... Had Hubby home for few days :)

Sorry about Gap in posts, had my husband home with me for a few days, and let's just say I did not spend much time at my computer.

Well it was really good, to see Peet, spent some fun time at the a spring riding tubes down stream, we played chess, cruised the mall, strange I know, but we are both people watchers, so it works.

Having him come home really helped me see that I have made some positive changes in myself. I tend to be a inner stress case. He tends to see it more than anyone else in the world, he just knows me so well. Others would never know, what anxiety used to exist within the confines of my skull, but I have been working on slowing my brain down some. Living a little more in the here and now instead of where I should have been and where I am going. Enjoying a little more and worrying a hole lot less.

I am a smart woman, there is not much that gets buy me nor many opportunities I have not taken, what am I so worried about?? It's was like I was afraid that opportunity wouldn't knock but just try to sneak by.

I have been relatively lucky in my life, sure lots of crazy bad stuff has happened to me, keep coming back to catch up on details. They slowly work their way out. I have had my generous share of heartaches and mishaps, believe me, more than you might think could happen to one person at 28, but I think I have come out ahead, that I have managed to cheat the system you might say.

The rewards have not been discovered in close proximity to the tragedies, but looking back I believe I am all the better for going through them. My grandmother said to be a few years ago, that I was wise beyond my years. I take that in such high esteem now, I feel lucky to be only 28 and had to tackle some much already in my life.

I am so well prepared for anything, that why worry I have done so much already and barely ever stumbled . Life has flipped, tossed, turned and rolled me ever which way and I still come out standing. So hey I am taking it as an omen you might say. That I am meant to be here, to do great things, that no little thing is going to get me down and hell Life goes on, so why not enjoy it.

You ever feel in the mood for swapping sob stories, or lives calamities, let me know I love to here what you have survived and I am always willing to share my tales. I have been told time and time again to chapter them out and publish my life story, it gets pretty good, might have to do that some day.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Welcome and warning

I am setting up me new blog, thought it might be interesting. I have extremely busy mind and plenty of opinions so why not share.

I will have to warn you though, my thoughts are out there and frequently unexplainable. I am very opinionated and think broadly. If you are timid or simple minded, probably not for you. That being said, I thank you for dropping by and email whenever you wish I am always up for good conversation with like minded folks, and so it goes....