Friday, August 26, 2005

The Reunion!!!

My thoughts have been racing lately. My 10 year high school is in 2 months. God that makes me feel old. I can't believe 10 years have pasted already.

The problem is I am having an overwhelming amount of fear in relation to this event. I did not have the best high school experience, in fact parts of it were down right awful. I got my equivalency earlier to to get out of there, maybe it got better, I was done in November of my senior year.

First off, I attended mostly private schools until High school, my parents had some fear of public school, wild and I was smart kids so they feared the value of the education I would get. Was strange I never went to the same school any of my neighbors went to. I also changed schools about every 2 years but never moved, was strange. High School I begged my parents to go to the Big Public School 2 blocks from my house, I wanted Big Football games, sports teams to participate on, High School Dances. They agreed, it backfired.

My High School career started out with a bang, I had dated a guy all summer before High School that was entering his senior year. I was worried that the grief he would get from his friends about dating a freshman would break us up when school started, and wham 3rd day of school, he broke up with me. I was happy to see though that the next girl he dated, he married eventually and has 2 beautiful children, just sucked for me.

So 3 days into public high school I cut my first class, I was a mess. Status always lumped me with the popular rich white kids. I was from family with money, I was intelligent and pretty clean cut. My opinions and perspective always fought with me to stay there. It was always a personal battles to put up with these people. I could, I just always ending up choosing not too.

So 1st semester Freshman year, I was Rich Prep, as it was said at the time. I ran for student office, I participated in Homecoming Activities, played soccer and volleyball. I was in debate club and drama club. I was building an excellent college resume.

But the people I was spending time with, were so fake so interested in such unimportant things, so judgemental, I couldn't stand it, I began to show my true colors, and when the Rich Preps just couldn't understand me I turned away from them. I went out on my own.

Well let's just say left to my own devices I tend to get in some trouble, especially when I am mad. I ended up on shopping spree with bunch of undesirables, just to spite the system. They were all great people, just system looked at them as ruffians and trouble makers.

Well my parents decided enough was enough with public school. They sent me 2nd semester Freshman year to the smallest school I have ever been to, I was 1 of 3 freshman, it was almost like a country farm house school. Many of my classes had students from 6th grade to senior in them. That was an experience. I was told if I got straight A's I could go back to public school, so I did.

If you ever have attended a school with more than 100 people, you will know what I am talking about when I say, the rumors that I was faced with when I returned to public High 1st semester Sophomore year, were beyond any belief, but there were believed to some extent.

I was a total outcast at this point, accepted by none. I don't ever remember much of my sophomore year it was that bad I guess, nothing memorable.

High school got so much better for me Junior Year, but the rest of me life fell apart. I began the journey to discovering me, and it meant leaving some other parts behind. Number 1 at the time was my parents.

My junior year in high school included failing almost every class, running away from home, meeting my future husband and developing bonds with a true group of friends, it was a major turning point in my life, but as the saying goes, things got a whole lot worse before they got better.

As the year started my life was a mess, of catastrophic proportions, life has no meaning to me. By years end I was in completely different state of mind. Life was getting pretty good. That summer I met Natalia my foster mother, the local Police had enough calls from my mom about me running away, so I went into foster care at 17, weird I know, but it couldn't have been better if I planned it. See previous entry to read about Natalia, my other mother.

Senior year started, and I was just no longer in the state of mind to handle the crap that goes on at High School, I went to school every other day and maintained a 3.5 GPA, to say the least my teachers were not happy. My school had policy that you could not fail on attendance, so they could only mark on work and test, which I never did homework, but when I was in class I would participate, and I always have tested well.

So with the know the knowledge that in 6 months I would be out on my own unless I wanted to be in foster care after I turned 18, they only do 6 month terms, or the growth in my own life, I just couldn't continue to waste time playing at High school everyday. I left, got my equivalency and went to work.

This again was a hard time for me in a way because at 17 I was an adult, yes Natalia provided me great guidance, but she also wanted to let me get my feet wet, to falter if I needed to now, while she could still help me.

Life began so quickly, before my friends graduated from High school in June Peet and I were already living in our first apartment.

Peet ended up leaving high school too, I have never been happy with his decision, because of the timing and his reason, it looks as if he did it for me, but I never wanted him too. Peet was very anti high school anyways, he struggled through classes barely paying attention. He is an artist, he drew on assignments, his mind wandered, but he loved to play sports with the guys at breaks, I think it kept him there. Well senior year he decided he wanted to play Basketball for the School, so that meant the had to keep his grades up. Peet studied and took notes, interacted in class, he was determined. He achieved the minimum 2.0 GPA and he counselor said she did not want o risk he falling behind he was doing so well, maybe if he could get it up to 3.0 then he would have some leeway. So he got his GPA up to 3.0 and then she said with him doing so well, she did not feel it was in his best interest to gamble it on sports, that with the way he was going he could get scholarships, etc. Peet told here, the only reason I have done this well is to play basketball, it's the only reason I am still here, if you will not let me play there will be no reason to stay. I guess she thought she was calling his bluff, that after all his hard work he would not leave, but she refused to clear him. So he left.

High school was such a time of losing and rediscovering myself, that I have no idea what the people outside my immediate group of friends knew or thought about me. I didn't really care at the time. I still don't really care as far as making me be a different person, I just am curious. Haven't you ever wondered what someone thought of you, not that it would change anything but just to know?

I have such outdated thought of my high school class, I would love to refresh them with something new, maybe time has bettered everyone. Maybe age has given some perspective.
Maybe we can all reconnect, maybe we can connect to those that high school drama kept us from before.

I have my profile on and it is strange to see who looks at it, people you thought didn't know who you were at all. But if I knew of them it is reasonable to think they knew of me right?

Well I guess I will have to just go to find out right? Be looking for the post after I get back from CA beginning of November, it should be a good one.

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