Saturday, December 31, 2005

A look back and moving forward

What is it about New Years that causes such reminiscing? I guess commercialism can really have an impact on the patterns of the brain.

Looking back in the tradition I would have to say that 2005 has been one of the more eventful years so far for me.

Having Peet gone, back to the Army, not by choice, has been one of those experience that causes trauma, therefore growth in life. I really have tried in his absence to take a look at myself, good, bad and indifferent. What do I love about myself, what needs to change and what is just there and always will be?

This year has brought some experience such as finally getting to E3, something Peet and I had talked about for years. I have traveled to CA more this year than I have in sometime.

10 year high school reunion, really allowed to me to see what a growth and changes I have been through since high school. Having been with Peet since High school, sometimes it is hard to really see how much time has really gone by, and how much we have truly grown. Seeing some who had not seen my since High School, was a refreshing experience. To be able to stand proud and strong among peers who had such a grasp on my self confidence in younger days. It was a liberating experience to say the least.

2005 also allowed my to connect to some people in my life who although they had been present were not in the position they are now. Forming bonds with others is one thing I truly treasure, the experience that get banked for those interactions in my minds are priceless. Among life personal relationships are among the highest rated things to have and share in my book. Something you might have picked up previously, though not directly stated. I love finding a person that shares somethings in common, but differs on others, creates endless opportunities for conversation, one of my other favorite things.

2005 will be one of those years that never fades. Some years have been uneventful, though with Peet and I, not too many of them simply slide through, but the events and discoveries I have had this year, have been a turning point for me and those will never be forgotten.

Looking forward to 2006:
What do I hope for the year?
I hope that the people who mean the most to me, take the chances needed to bring them the happiness they deserve.
I hope that health and wealth are brought to those deserving and willing to work for them.
I hope that my children will have every opportunity to grown and learn I can provide for them.
I hope that love touches all those in my life, those without will find it one way this year, and those with love, will rekindle a flame bright and strong.
I hope that I can make a difference in one person's life in a way they never thought I could, and in a way I never expected to be of assistance.
I hope that I meet 1 person who helps me become a better person in someway.
I hope that I can share something I have learned with another.

I hope that I can find a way for 123 days to pass so I can see my husband, there is only one thing I want more than for May 3 to come and that would be for November. I can only mark one day off the calendar at a time.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Great Quote

I came across a quote while surfing today. It is by no means a work of literary excellence, but more of an eye opener to the way we live modern life. Simply written, but deeply meaning.

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I often feel that people live life too cautiously, afraid that they might make a mistake or ruin that perfect life in someway. I feel if you are not taking any chances ever, physically , mentally or emotionally, you can not possibly be living life to the fullest. The timid rarely experience the bountiful life the brave do.

Now not to say throw all caution to the wind, there is courage and then there is carelessness . I just think more people in the world today need to be less afraid of staying on the path, the 5 year plan, and get out there and live a little. I plan like nobodies business. But give me an exciting opportunity, might not be the "Best" idea but will offer something to experience, I might just be the first in line.

We are not meant to remain unscathed individuals, our bodies and minds are meant to grow stronger through use, that is just the way it is. We learn from our mistakes mentally, our bodies toughen with repeated injury, we emotionally grow through pain and joy.

When I die I hope that the scars tell a story of the adventures I've had, that the list of those who knew me grew with each passing year, and that my heart and mind where made useful to all those who needed.

Please, don't live your life afraid to take the next step, to try something new, for fear of pain or loss. To many writers have commented before, and I feel cliche upon cliche coming on so here I will end with just simply this.

If the most exciting thing you have done was a child, go out and do something.
If the best years of your life were High School, change that.
If you have not truly experienced love, put yourself out there.
Fear not what life holds for you, but instead fear what life you let slip by.
-Liz Cooper

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

In Limbo

Limbo, as in the colloquial reference, not the dance. The holding pattern status in modern English that has derived from the catholic theory of purgatory.

I feel that my days are filled and time passes, but there is no reflection of it in my life. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, that I can run and run, but there is no destination I will make it to.

I am a great project person, I love to work something until it is done and move quickly to the next task to keep up momentum. Most of my projects have been involved with in someway related to Peet, his education, career, us moving, trip to E3, all very centered around him.

It it almost like I am a agent but I have no one to manage. With Peet in the military there is no point in pursuing things because he has so long to be there still that anything would be irrelevant upon his return.

Now let me say this and get it clear so there are no misunderstandings. Yes my world revolves around Peet, but it is by choice and I enjoy it, most of the time :)

There was a point when after we had our house fire and Peet lost so much of his art, that I became the provider in our home. He needed to focus on his art and that was our priority.

By choice, with respect of his talent and for the benefit of everyone is this household. I choose long ago that Peet's talent could not be wasted, that no matter what it meant, I would do everything I could to make sure he got all the opportunities he deserved or desired.

Hell, I have his website vinyl across the back of my car. I don't think I could do much more to get people to see his art, but if you got any idead let me know.

I love Peet, but beyond that I respect that talent he has, the mind creating behind it, and the passion he has to create and produce something original in the world.

He has given me everything and I have done all I can to help him to get the places he wants to go. I will continue to do anything and everything. It is the role I play in this world. Some people design things, some people produce things, others manage things.

I am happy in my role in life and grateful that it has been provided for me, by the man I love and respect more than anyone in the world. It is not always easy and sure there are times that I feel like I have lost my individuality. But everyone is entitled to question there decisions on a bad day. When it all comes about, I cherish what I am able to provide to Peet and the satisfaction it gives me to do so. I fear the days when he is much more established, that he will have a staff to care for all these matters and I will no longer be needed.

The cycle from which my life has spun for the last 9 years or so, has been drastically changed. We were always working on the next thing, what was are next move to be, what did we need to accomplish to get there? Now all I can do it wait.

For now I cycle in limbo, awaiting the time when I shall be called again. Ready and waiting.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Saw it on a sign

Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

Struck me, so I thought I would share. Don't spend your life waiting for the future. Be sure to enjoy today. The day you are waiting for may never come. Worse even, by the time you get there, you might no longer want it, and only be able to see all the days you wasted trying to get there.

Life is precious, respect it.


How many of you have made a conscience sacrifice in return for something which in your opinion was worth it?

How did you determine the worth of the sacrifice in relation to the reward? Would you sacrifice if the reward was dependant on someone else providing the reward or only if only involved yourself?

I always wonder how thoroughly people think through the reward vs sacrifice ratio before making a decision to give something up. There are those choices that are easier to change before made than after, especially when someone other than yourself is involved.

The seed is which this thought has grown is personal freedom. I have been trying to figure out how far down the line do people really look, when making a decision to hand personal freedoms over to the government. Do people look beyond the immediate future into the long term and what those rights in the government hands can mean for their lives later? Do people really know what they are giving up?

I can understand people being scared into compromising from fear and the longing for a feeling of security. Have people really lost their ability to look past today and see the results of the decisions we make today on the future of tomorrow?

It seems to be an inevitable process that the youth of today will be undoing the mistake made in the past?

Which brings me to if we could see the results on the future would we still make the same choices? Are the choices we make based on logic or emotion? Do we change what we thought or did we not think it through?

I hope to be able to enlighten, but not bring indecisiveness. For almost worse than making a bad decision is not making one at all. I would rather see people vote for the poor candidate than not to vote at all. Don't let things be handed to you, be sure to do all you can to have a voice.

Summary: Have an opinion, use it wisely.