Sunday, June 18, 2017

Through my Father's eyes.

My Dad, Earl Jenkins was a good man. He passed away over 17 years ago. We weren't close but with age, I have understood our relationship better. He chose his moments and his gestured counted. The 1 day I absolutely needed him to show up for me, he did.
Never when I ran out of my house for the 2nd time at 17, did I think my Dad would take off on foot after me.That gesture defined my relationship with me the very best. Push come to shove, he would do whatever he could for me.
He wanted the best for me and challenged my wit and intellect. He was an amazing debate partner and taught me to hold my own and fight for my perspective.
My daughter Kayla, was the 1 of his grandchildren he met and she was 1 when he passed. I wish I had more time with him, I wish I had gotten to be an adult in his eyes and gotten to learn everything he had to offer.
I wish I was able to see when he was alive that it is not always our choices that dictate our actions, families are complicated.
Above all, I hope he is proud of me and the woman I have become. I often hear this song in my head and think about what my Dad would say to me if he was here to answer my questions and hear my stories

I hope if he looks down on me it is swollen with pride and that he takes some joy in the fact that he is part of my story. I can say without a doubt, I am proud to be his daughter and am grateful for all he was able to share with me. Thank you, David Earl Jenkins for allowing the broken little girl I was when you adopted me into your life

Friday, June 16, 2017

My voice

I recently got the opportunity to test the saying, “You don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.” I have been dancing around a phase I am about to enter for awhile. My fears have held me back, from owning my story, from sharing my journeys and celebrating my victories.
When recently my main social media account, Facebook became inaccessible. When days went by, then weeks without being able to gain re-entry I feared that I had missed the chance. I started to grief that opportunity had been knocking, and I had let anxiety prevent me from opening the door.

As part of a class I took, I was challenged to write a personal manifesto; I’m sharing to here to create a point of reference. I am taking this opportunity to ask you the reader to hold me accountable for staying the course.

I have stated my intentions, and I intend to follow them. The clarity of thought around the idea that I want to fear regret more than failure.
I see my authenticity as a mean to tie me to so many. I have had such a colorful adventure through life that it still astonishes me sometimes. I think my sharing can help others who share some of my struggles feel less alone. I have lived very ashamedly and let it lock me out of connections.
I want to encourage wholehearted living, so I need to start living by example. How can I ask you to be vulnerable and happy with yourself and not identify my battles on this front? By taking a step into the vulnerability spotlight, I am extending an invitation to join me.
I am choosing to let my integrity guide me.
As defined by Brene Brown, “Integrity is choosing Courage over Comfort; choosing what’s Right over what Fun, Fast or Easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”

I am going to be sharing more with everyone, more blogs, streaming and video blogs will be a part of this effort to expose both myself and Gamers for Good and to deepen and broaden our efforts. I will live the more generous and courageous version of my life.

I’m off to submit my talk for PAX West, here’s to step 1!