Sunday, November 27, 2005


My thoughts have been racing lately regarding the idea of Karma, paying into the system per say.

I have always thought in one way or another, that in life you get what you are willing to work for, life doesn't hand you anything. But in that same breath I would also say that if you are well intentioned and good to your fellow man, the time will come when the favor is returned. That being I said I do mean well intentioned, not doing something in direct relation to expecting something back. I mean doing something for the pure kindness or compassion you can show, nothing expected.

I have been pondering lately though a variant of this issue. Peet and I are one of those miracle couples as people may put it. We are opposites but share a great love, we have endured many hard times and catastrophes together. We are both passionate so when we fight watch out, but the same passion spills into our everyday love as well.

Now how does that relate to the Karma issue, well, my thought has been this. Do Peet and I have to repeatedly have to pay into the Karma system to get in return the great love and achievement we have shared? Is it lives system of checks and balance that keeps our lives in a constant roller coaster cycle?

Our relationship went through a miraculous recovery following years of constant separation. From Peet going to the military, then to Full Sail, then onto a job that completely overworked him, we were growing apart. It was not out of loss of love on either side, but a tremendous amount of time in the same living space but not really any amount of quality time. The addition in that time of 2 girls, making 3 kids total, also distracted from the time our relationship needed, but happy ending awaits as we recovered. We pin pointed the problems and made efforts needed to correct them.

Life moves forward a few months, things are looking to be getting really good, relationship is happy, kids are doing great, Peet is looking for alternate employment and optimism is abound in our household again, life was good. Then the day comes where we received orders calling Peet back to the military in 30 days. WHOA, what happened???

Things have had that kind of path for us repeatedly in our lives together, we struggle to get somewhere, suffer through the process, get there or remarkably close, just for something to happen and life presents another challenge.

I do have to say that when life's challenges are presented, the suffering through always is worth it in the end, the rewards have always been great. It can be an extremely tiring process though. It almost seems as if life will never be smooth sailing for any amount of time with us.

Do we suffer a multitude of challenges because of our pairing, or 2 strong passionate people such as ourselves cosmically putting the system to test?

Then there is the thought that after all this time, with the few problems we have endured at that point did we become so used to facing challenges that we feel compelled to put life to the test? Do we take a dive into this situation knowing we are tough enough to endure whatever may come our way?

This is one of those questions that is not meant to have an answer, but still is worth asking in my opinion.

I would do anything for Peet, and him for me. That has been proven time and time again, and never needs to be questioned. No matter how close we have gone to the edge, we are always there to pull each up again.

All in all, we have had a pretty exciting ride. Some parts not so pleasant, but what life is always peaches and roses?

While digging for all my Christmas decorations today, I came across an unmarked box, so I opened it. Sat on the floor of my attic for the next 90 minutes pulling out little pieces of Peet's and my life. Photos, awards, old comics, drawings, card from birthdays. It was one of the best things I could have had happen to me today. It is so hard to be without Peet during the holidays, but that box helped remind me of how much joy we have had, the love that we share and made me look even more forward to our future together.

So to pull this all together, even if loving Peet means I will put to the test time and time again, I fear not. For with Peet by my side I can not, nor will not fail. We are ying and yang. Opposite with weakness alone, but complete and strong together.

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