Tuesday, December 06, 2005

In Limbo

Limbo, as in the colloquial reference, not the dance. The holding pattern status in modern English that has derived from the catholic theory of purgatory.

I feel that my days are filled and time passes, but there is no reflection of it in my life. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, that I can run and run, but there is no destination I will make it to.

I am a great project person, I love to work something until it is done and move quickly to the next task to keep up momentum. Most of my projects have been involved with in someway related to Peet, his education, career, us moving, trip to E3, all very centered around him.

It it almost like I am a agent but I have no one to manage. With Peet in the military there is no point in pursuing things because he has so long to be there still that anything would be irrelevant upon his return.

Now let me say this and get it clear so there are no misunderstandings. Yes my world revolves around Peet, but it is by choice and I enjoy it, most of the time :)

There was a point when after we had our house fire and Peet lost so much of his art, that I became the provider in our home. He needed to focus on his art and that was our priority.

By choice, with respect of his talent and for the benefit of everyone is this household. I choose long ago that Peet's talent could not be wasted, that no matter what it meant, I would do everything I could to make sure he got all the opportunities he deserved or desired.

Hell, I have his website vinyl across the back of my car. I don't think I could do much more to get people to see his art, but if you got any idead let me know.

I love Peet, but beyond that I respect that talent he has, the mind creating behind it, and the passion he has to create and produce something original in the world.

He has given me everything and I have done all I can to help him to get the places he wants to go. I will continue to do anything and everything. It is the role I play in this world. Some people design things, some people produce things, others manage things.

I am happy in my role in life and grateful that it has been provided for me, by the man I love and respect more than anyone in the world. It is not always easy and sure there are times that I feel like I have lost my individuality. But everyone is entitled to question there decisions on a bad day. When it all comes about, I cherish what I am able to provide to Peet and the satisfaction it gives me to do so. I fear the days when he is much more established, that he will have a staff to care for all these matters and I will no longer be needed.

The cycle from which my life has spun for the last 9 years or so, has been drastically changed. We were always working on the next thing, what was are next move to be, what did we need to accomplish to get there? Now all I can do it wait.

For now I cycle in limbo, awaiting the time when I shall be called again. Ready and waiting.

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