The internal battle of managing self image versus perceived image can be constant. For me it has been something that has plagued me a major portion of my life.
I have had times that were better than others, and times that were definitely worse. In the more recent months and through the process of self discovery I have tried to pin point what was a factor in changing the times that were good, why did they stop, and how did I get out of the times that were bad.
More often than not, I can track it to my level of self importance at the time. I tend to very giving in nature, and will without a thought sacrifice to do everything I can to help someone if they need it. While this is not something bad, nor would I ever have to give up that ability, I have had to learn to accept that I have to be as willing to help myself as I am other people.
When I take away the world from my picture, stop letting outside forces tell me what I am worth and what importance I have, I have to look inward for that. When faced with the inward reflection, it is clear to see what I do and don't like and that only I can change it or accept it.
Lately I have truly been trying to conquer my doubts in myself. I have always been a logical person, so I rationalize them to death, but the ability to combine the logic to the emotional side of it is much easier said than done in some cases. I have always known what is true, but accepting it has been another story.
I think I am starting to take a hold on some of my doubts and fears in myself. I know that my level of self acceptance is on the rise. My self confidence is growing and starting to reflect that strong individual I truly am. I am trying to make the way I think reflect into the way I feel and the way I live.
I hope that I am not just winning the battle, but truly winning the war. To put this issue to rest would be a blessing of tremendous proportions.