Through my Father's eyes.

My Dad, Earl Jenkins was a good man. He passed away over 17 years ago. We weren't close but with age, I have understood our relationship better. He chose his moments and his gestured counted. The 1 day I absolutely needed him to show up for me, he did.
Never when I ran out of my house for the 2nd time at 17, did I think my Dad would take off on foot after me.That gesture defined my relationship with me the very best. Push come to shove, he would do whatever he could for me.
He wanted the best for me and challenged my wit and intellect. He was an amazing debate partner and taught me to hold my own and fight for my perspective.
My daughter Kayla, was the 1 of his grandchildren he met and she was 1 when he passed. I wish I had more time with him, I wish I had gotten to be an adult in his eyes and gotten to learn everything he had to offer.
I wish I was able to see when he was alive that it is not always our choices that dictate our actions, families are complicated.
Above all, I hope he is proud of me and the woman I have become. I often hear this song in my head and think about what my Dad would say to me if he was here to answer my questions and hear my stories

I hope if he looks down on me it is swollen with pride and that he takes some joy in the fact that he is part of my story. I can say without a doubt, I am proud to be his daughter and am grateful for all he was able to share with me. Thank you, David Earl Jenkins for allowing the broken little girl I was when you adopted me into your life

My voice

I recently got the opportunity to test the saying, “You don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.” I have been dancing around a phase I am about to enter for awhile. My fears have held me back, from owning my story, from sharing my journeys and celebrating my victories.

When recently my main social media account, Facebook became inaccessible. When days went by, then weeks without being able to gain re-entry I feared that I had missed the chance. I started to grief that opportunity had been knocking, and I had let anxiety prevent me from opening the door.

As part of a class I took, I was challenged to write a personal manifesto; I’m sharing to here to create a point of reference. I am taking this opportunity to ask you the reader to hold me accountable for staying the course.

I have stated my intentions, and I intend to follow them. The clarity of thought around the idea that I want to fear regret more than failure.

I see my authenticity as a mean to tie me to so many. I have had such a colorful adventure through life that it still astonishes me sometimes. I think my sharing can help others who share some of my struggles feel less alone. I have lived very ashamedly and let it lock me out of connections.

I want to encourage wholehearted living, so I need to start living by example. How can I ask you to be vulnerable and happy with yourself and not identify my battles on this front? By taking a step into the vulnerability spotlight, I am extending an invitation to join me.

I am choosing to let my integrity guide me.

As defined by Brene Brown, “Integrity is choosing Courage over Comfort; choosing what’s Right over what Fun, Fast or Easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”

I am going to be sharing more with everyone, more blogs, streaming and video blogs will be a part of this effort to expose both myself and Gamers for Good and to deepen and broaden our efforts. I will live the more generous and courageous version of my life.

I’m off to submit my talk for PAX West, here’s to step 1!

Costa Rican journey

Daring Greatly: Personal Manifesto

Just finished up Daring Greatly class with Brene Brown, I would recommend to anyone. Last exercise was to make a personal manifesto to remind myself of who I am and how I want to make a difference.

I have always held what you write down as a commitment, so this was harder to do for me than I anticipated.So easy to fall into "wants to" or "will try" to write so many active statements really does take a mental adjustment. To me they are still wants or goals, the activity of writing them in the present as if I am there already does truly have an impact.

Sharing is part of the goals I have for myself, I have experienced many things, good and bad. Had to takes leaps of faith and did some reckless base jumping, so I have learned some lessons. Way more than even I have realized, as they still happen every day :)

I am putting this put into the universe to make clear what I want and desire from myself. It also allows me to share a window into my soul and an invitation to engage when you need an ear, to ask my about something you know I have been through/done and to BEG for you to call me on my shit when I am being untrue.

Without further ado, my personal manifesto:

I am a woman with a big heart and a passion for people. 
The values that guide me in my effort to show up and be seen are generosity and courage. 
I own my story and use it as a point of connection for those I want to serve. 
I love myself by accepting my own imperfections as the stepping stones on my journey that they are. 
I know that I am enough and I am loved. 
I dare greatly by opening my heart and dropping the walls that make things safe. 
I am on this planet to grow through challenging myself and truly connecting with others. 
In my heart of hearts, I know there is nothing I can't do. 
I stand for not only daring to dream, but having the balls to take action.

Gamer Shame has prevented Females from identifying as Gamers

http://www.polygon.com/2015/11/4/9669110/pew-research-center-female-gamers-statistics

Just keeping it real guys:)

This article hints at an issue I am always talking about with girl gamers,

“42 percent of the study's respondents who had game systems — such as "Xboxes and PlayStations," the report says —identified as female. A slightly lower number of men claimed to have their own consoles — 37 percent.”

But…..

"The ESA's survey showed a gender disparity skewing toward men, with 59 percent of its male respondents calling themselves gamers as opposed to 41 percent of women polled. "

I know TONS of women who play games, but will/do not identify as gamers. Few reasons I have been given:

*Not a part of the counter-culture of "GAMERS"

* I only play (whatever 2-3 games)

*I only have a 3DS, that doesn't count

* My (Spouse, Partner, friend, etc) shamed me the one time I did say I was a gamer.

I cannot STAND this. Gamer shaming has to stop; WTH is the point?

Many of the women I know play the same games, and they don't even know it because they are not comfortable sharing.

Time to stand up and be proud gamers. I don't ever say I am a GREAT gamer; I have my moments. I LOVE games, though. I read about them. I dress in them. I go to game conventions to see others who love them. I co-taught a class about them. I take classes about them. I am learning to make them.

I am a GAMER!!! I am a female and still a GAMER, I feel no need to say I am a female gamer. Time for the term GAMER to be ambiguous, let’s take the sex and gender away from GAMER, so we are all represented.

We can then begin to talk about the 21% of gamers who identified as neither male nor female.

636 Days

The total number of days between Friday, January 24th, 2014 and Thursday, October 22nd, 2015 is 636 days. So you say? What is the significance of the date 1/24/14? That was the date of my last published blog post and today. That is the number of days I silenced my voice.

My blog is the place where I can dump my thoughts and if someone cares they are there to find. It exists to provide perspective about me. I am a very public person, human yet unfaltered by the fear of examination. I share my life pretty openly on the internet. My voice through my blog is one of the purest forms of me there is, unfiltered Liz Cooper.

So what you say brought me out of the moth balls before the 650 days mark? I have been going through a transition, a period of introspection and evaluation. Time to take stock again, see what’s changed, what do I want to Keep doing, Stop doing or Start doing. Part of this process has made see I stopped blogging and what did the blogging represent for me and is that something I hold valuable and, therefore, need corrective action.

So here I am trying to figure out what value this exercise holds for me.

I am a naturally empathetic person; that tends to present in me as I care more about the feelings and comfort of others than myself in most instances. I experience a great deal of satisfaction from the process of improving the life/work state of others. Taking present day bottlenecks and stumbling block and blending them seamless into activities you don’t even register doing, is perfection.

The downside of this equation, I tend to sacrifice my own needs. This is a strange catch 22 situation, where I sacrifice my own needs, to achieve personal satisfaction. But if I frame it in the idea of addiction, you can begin to see the unhealthiness this situation can present.

What the hell does all that have to do with my blog?

My blog is one space where whatever I want to say comes first and however I feel comes first. My blog is the one place in my life it can truly feel ok to be selfish.

I guess that’s why it is so easy for me to stop, I see it as selfish, and that naturally falls against my nature.

Even now I am starting to find reasons why I should be moving on, that I am greedy with my time.

I am a passionate person. Without an outlet to contain my passion, I will be at risk for overload, with a short fuse.

Blogging helps me feel like I have been heard for some reason, even if nobody even reads it. I have expressed and examined the ideas and feelings. I have created a resolution.

To be a better version of myself, I need to be able to reign in my passion to a level that is digestible and fascinating to others. Blogging helps me modulate my passion. Therefore, Blogging helps me be a better version of myself. I will start blogging regularly.

I commit for two blog posts a month minimum for the remainder of 2015 and through 2016, that is 18 blog posts by 12/31/2016. I challenged anyone reading to hold me accountable, lcooper@gamersforgood.com. Email me if I’m slacking, and you noticed.

20 adjectives that describe who I REALLY am.

Self discovery exercise: write 20 adjectives that I feel really describe me:

1. Resourceful

2. Determined

3. Sensitive

4. Creative

5. Eager

6. Insecure

7. Stubborn

8. Caring

9. Helpful

10. Enthusiastic

11. Persuasive 

12. Brave

13. Analytical

14. Organized

15. Loyal

16. Imaginative

17. Hopeful

18. Unique

19. Passionate

20. Curious 

Strange to do, but really telling to try and look at something from many different angles before even attempting to pull the information together into something that makes sense and has purpose.

To thine own self be true.